Spring Hotel Pickup Lines Ft. Susan Barry
Susan Barry beat me at hotel pickup lines
Susan Barry came back on the show, and this time we left the marketing frameworks alone. If you caught episode seven, you already know her: a decade at Starwood running sales, marketing and revenue strategy, then her own consultancy, Hive Marketing. This episode was the first ever hotel pickup lines battle.
You've probably seen the format on YouTube and Instagram, where two people take turns telling dad jokes and the other one tries not to laugh. We did it with hotel pickup lines instead, round by round, and a lot of them were spring themed.
A few of the lines from the battle:
- "Are you a group sales contract? Because all I see is fine print."
- "Are you the guest room thermostat in the springtime? Because I'm sweating and shivering all at once."
- "Are you the executive committee meeting? Because I'm feeling relief now that you're over."
- "Are you the second quarter landscaping budget? Because I'm ready to invest heavily."
The thermostat line got the verdict "quality and realistic", and realistic was the best part. The landscaping budget line was funny before it even reached the punchline, because nobody outside this industry would think to put a second quarter landscaping budget in a pickup line. That's the niche of it.
Susan and I both come from inside hotels, so we speak the same language, and that's why these jokes land with anyone who works in one. It's a good reminder for hotel content too. The more specific you are to the people you want to reach, the more they see themselves in it.
Susan took this one. At one point it was a landslide, and by the end I was comparing myself to a young Michael Jordan running into the Pistons. I'll be in the gym all summer.
We're already planning rematches. Summer lines are coming in a couple of months, then maybe RFP season and budget season, and we've talked about doing one live at a conference. If there's a matchup you want to see, or you want to rule on whether laughing at your own line counts, tell us in the comments.
We go through all of this in the full episode. Watch on YouTube or listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
Calvin and the Revpar Media team build hotel marketing that drives bookings, from social media management to influencer campaigns.
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you the chef's vegetable garden? Because lettuce. Turn up the beat. So my good friend Susan Barry is back. If you call it episode seven, you already know she's one of the sharpest minds in hospitality marketing. She ran sales, marketing and revenue strategy at Starwood for a decade, open to hotels, then started her own consultancy, Hive Marketing because apparently a decade of hotel openings was not enough. But today, we're not talking strategy. Today we are talking nonsense. Beautiful hotel themed nonsense. Are you? The second quarter landscaping budget.
Because I'm ready to invest heavily. You always gave me. At the beginning, I was like, that is so nice. it's already funny. This is why your Instagram account is the best one on Instagram. Because you are the same niche. What you're about to witness is the inaugural hotel pick up lines battle. Two hospitality insiders armed with the most niche hotel themed pickup lines you've ever heard. Going round by round, trying to make each other laugh. spring themed. Deeply specific. And I'll be honest with you, I was not prepared for what Susan brought to the table.
By the end of this episode, you'll have witnessed the funniest hotel themed pickup lines you've ever heard. Why? Second quarter landscaping budgets, Easter eggs, and hotel rooms are now considered romantic. And a line that may or may not be a violation. I'm Calvin Tilokee, and this is socially awkward. Well, hello and welcome to the inaugural hotel pickup lines. Some of you guys may be familiar with the format we're about to introduce. You may have seen him across social media, YouTube, Instagram and the like where people ask each other questions. Typically, they tell dad jokes and the other person has to try to not laugh.
And I am here with my good friend Susan Barry. Hello. Today we decided we're going to tell each other pickup lines, and the other person has to try not to laugh at them. The problem is, Calvin, that I'm already laughing on the inside real bad. I'm kind of always laughing on the inside, so I think this would be pretty. This is going to be challenging for the both of us. I believe. Yes, you're funnier than me, so. But I'm Derek here than you, so I don't know. It's kind of a even match, I would say. I don't know. We shall see. You know, and we have to let the audience decide. So we're going to go round by round.
Trying to pick each other up using hotel jargon. Some of them spring themed, some of them not. Mine are all spring themed. Oh, maybe we should have an award for that best on theme. Maybe we should. I might have to improv some of these then. I'm not laughing. You're laughing? We haven't started yet, so I can. I can giggle as much as I want. Okay. Fair enough. All right. I am a gentleman. So. Ladies first. Round one. Are you a banquet breakfast buffet? Because you are cantaloupe, honeydew and fine apple. I was good. That was good. Great delivery as well. Very, very impressed with that one. I think, if that's what we're starting with, I'm likely in trouble. Okay.
Except for I have zero control over my own emotions. Zero. But we should also. I guess maybe the audience can tell us in the comments. We have to decide if you laugh at your own. Does that count? I can lean yes on that one. I mean it's I think it's cumulative because you the laugh may come out after you deliver your online but it's been building for a while. The right might be in life. And from the previous joke. True fact. Hey girl you're perfect. So because you look quite unattainable. not funny sorry. It was just good.
Are you an unexpected fire alarm? Because you're lighting up my night? I tend to do that. Are you the free breakfast? So I'm waking up early for you. Are you the emergency staircase. Because you've taken my breath away. Oh, that happens to me quite a bit. Came. I walk up the steps of my house. Indeed. Are you the hotel robe? Because I shouldn't take you home. But I am thinking about. That one's good. You, Lamour. I think we. Yeah. We got to score one for you in that one. Round one, Susan Barry. I was really hoping that one would would get it.
It was. It was really good. are you? A group sales contract. Because all I see is fine print. Oh, that's round two, Susan Barry. That's a good one. That's a good one. That that is that is quality. That is quality. I'm just getting warmed up, baby. I know, man, I got a I was trying to go in order, but I got to break out the big guns now because you are, you're on fire. Okay. Are you the mod? Because I'd like you to interrogate my Lux. Are you the chef's vegetable garden? Because lettuce. Turn up the beat. Quality would. Okay, I gotta give you guys that. This up. What kind of pancakes do you like? Because you better get your ass downstairs by 9 a.m. if you want to.
Are you the dessert table at Easter brunch? Because you're a cutie pie. I need the wedding so bad right now. You trying not to laugh? You are so much better at this than I thought. You would be. Really? Yeah. This is some of my best material, and, I barely got a crack out of you. At this point, I am shocked that I have not laughed. I am biting my tongue and will be bleeding from my mouth. First taste. Hey, let me ask you something. If you're running a hotel and you know, social media matters, but you just don't have the time to figure it out, you're not alone. That's exactly why I built Revpar Media. We work with hotels to create marketing strategies that actually drive bookings, not just likes. From social media management to influencer campaigns to full creative production.
We've been in the room. We've managed the revenue, and we know what moves the needle. If that's something you're looking to solve right now. Scan the QR code on screen or click the link in the show notes. Now back to today's conversation. Right. Let's see. Are you the thermostat? Because I want to push your buttons. Are you the guest room thermostat in the springtime? Because I'm sweating and shivering all at once. That is quality and realistic. That's that's the best part. It's true. You're not wrong. I hope you are a luggage cart because I'm bringing all my baggage.
Are you the executive committee meeting? Because I'm feeling relief now that you're over. That was my worst one. That was great from the beginning. Once you said executive committee meeting, I knew it was going to be good. I just. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. You're working my butt on this one. I think we're, 3 to 0. Yeah. This is, this is a it's a landslide here. All right, we we got to break out. The big guns are to it. I got here. Are you an Easter egg? Because I've been hunting for you. Yes, we got one. One. God knows how good looks like.
Oh. Oh, no. I don't have to stop. There we go. The dam has broken. Oh, that's up laughing. Yeah. Okay. Go. Speaking of spring holidays, are you the Mother's Day brunch seating chart? Because I'm trying to lock in a spot next to you. The seat is open. The seat is open. Are you a kid? Sports team. Because you've been running through my lobby all day? Yes. The comeback is on. Oh, that's so good. I wish I thought of that one. Okay. Are you the broom and dustpan and the bell closet? Because you've swept me off my feet. Oh, nice. Romantic.
Romantic. That one is is hallmark card worthy. I like that stick. That one is card worthy. Are you a quality audit? Because you have fine written all over you. Amazing, amazing. I'm not laughing, but A-plus. Are you? The second quarter landscaping budget. Because I'm ready to invest heavily. You always gave me. At the beginning, I was like, that is so nice. It's it's already funny. It's second quarter landscape it budget. Where could this possibly go? That's the niche of it. All the best. This is why your Instagram account is the best one on Instagram. Because you are the same niche. I learned it from watching you dad.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I appreciate that was a good one. That was a really good one. Hey, are you the pool when we have a hotel full of kids? Because you look ready to shut it down. Amazing. Speaking of the pool, are you a bottle of pool chemicals? So I'm ready to dive in. They're so specific. That's good, that's good, that's good. I think, I was making a good comeback, but you have reasserted your dominance. What is that for? Yeah, I think you're at least four, four, if not 5 to 2. Are you the concierge? Because you just saw all my plans for tonight.
Are you the housekeeping board at 100% clean? Because you are everything I've been hoping for. Quality. If you liked it, you should have put a spring on it. Go. Yeah, that's just unfair. That's. That's just. Yeah. That's good. That that is quality. I have met my match here. Easter. I don't even know her. Now, this is. These are just heat checks. Now, these are just like when the all the threes are going in, you just just keep chucking them up. Are you spring break? Because you make me want to lower my bar and. That's okay.
Relief. Are you a spring group lock? Because I commit early and often. Oh, I like that. Are you a last minute leisure booking? Because you just saved my day. Yeah. The six rooms of pickup. That's all you need a block. That's all you need. All right. This, this one only works if you're aware of recent current events. But I think it's pretty good. Are you Chappell Roan. Because I feel like looking at you is creating tension and don't even know what you're talking about. Oh, man. Oh, man. got the laugh anyway? Oh, okay, so it's not that bull was at, a hotel in Brazil and a young, a young child, an 11 year old girl saw her.
I wasn't sure if it was her. Was with her mother. And, she asked me out. Hey, do you think that Chappell Roan, she has the red hair or whatever? She's like, I don't know. So she walks outside where everyone has access. It's just, you know, breakfast buffet, I'm assuming in this hotel. She walks by her table, looks at her smiles, comes back to the table. Moments later, a security guard comes over to this woman and the child and berates her come on and and tells her that her child needs to know how to behave and etc. etc. turns out this child is the child of Jude Law. And the woman is no longer with Jude Law. She's now married to a Brazilian soccer player who's playing for the biggest club in the country and is a World Cup.
There's a World Cup winner. So this became this was all over Twitter. Because I'm old. I still call it Twitter. I'm I refuse to call it ex. That's its name is Twitter. It's whistle whistle tweeting nobody's cursing crap. But yeah, it was all over Twitter this weekend and, she's even been forced to make some level of apology on her Instagram because it became a big thing. The, the mayor of the next city, she was supposed to perform and told us she couldn't do it. That's, I mean, this is a Brazilian soccer player we're talking about. You don't miss. It. Sounds like royalty. Yeah, you don't miss it. Goodness. Yeah. So it's become a big thing and all because an 11 year old child had the audacity to look at her mom, not didn't approach her.
The next picture. Didn't autograph nothing. Just looked at her. So sometimes looks can create tension. And, you know, I'm, I'm feeling that same feeling right now. Are you the first iced coffee of the season? Because she woke something up in me. Oh. That's terrible. I tend to do that. I do tend to do that. So it's not even funny. It's just. Yeah, it's just Monday, you know? Are you the first outdoor banquet of the season? Things are really heating up. That also works for us there. No, Nah that was I spent something like that for Valentine's Day about Sterno I think. Yeah. Are you Sterno because you're too hot to handle something like that.
I like that. Go ahead. Fire them off. Are you a garden wedding inquiry? Because I'm already picturing our future. It's a bit of a stretch. Yeah. Not terrible. Not the best. Oh, this is the one that I think is so stupid that it's funny, but I don't know if it's going to make sense to you keeping in mind spring. Right. Are we close to the end of this revenue meeting. Because you look like you're about to wet your plants. That's a good I was trying to go for stuff like that. You wear like you think I'm going to say one word and then you slip in something else. Okay. No pun intended.
You're growing on me faster than weeds. And the planter in the portico. She. That's just awkward phrasing. That thing needs to be checked. Yeah, it's not bad. I don't know. I know what needs to be checked. Houseman doesn't touch that one in a while. Are you a bouquet of flowers on the front desk? Because I see tulips and I want to plant a kiss a little bit right in our camera. A little bit, a little bit, a little bit. And definitely a HR violation. Like, we're here for it. We're going to have to submit a ticket. It's we're huge problem for it. Yeah. Yeah we have for it. Well ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah. I mean, it's off in the middle of saying knows what else to say. We're left speechless by the immense talent that we have brought to the table today. Listen, neither one of us knew we have. I think this is the first of many such match ups, because clearly, we can both bring it and agree. I won this battle, but I may not sure the war. You sure did win this battle. I clearly I did not know the behemoth that I was up against. It's true. You know, this is. I feel like this is when Jordan first got into the league, and, you know, he's drop in 60 points, but then he runs into the Pistons and it's like, whoa, hold on.
I've got to go to the. Gotta go to gym. I gotta work out this summer I got to bulk up and get my game right. So that's what I'll be doing until our next, our next battle, which we shall see. You know, we discussed pre show perhaps doing this live somewhere. Would love conference near you. And so you guys stay tuned. Maybe also if anyone listening or watching has another match up that they'd like us to try, we'd love to hear it. But until then it's going to be seasonal pick up lines because they are the funniest to me.
Yes. Yeah, I like this. We got spring so we will have summer in a couple of months. Maybe we do RFP season. Oh my gosh that's so good. Budget season pickup line yes yes that's a must. That is a must. All right. Consider it done I love it I love it. Thank you so much. Thank you. It's been a pleasure. In.
